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My story takes place in a fantasy world in which the inhabitants are all humans with animal features (Elnefi) such as tails, wings, ears, claws, etc. The Story is about a 17 year old male wolf Elnefi training to be a member of the powerful warrior class.

I am posting the first chapter and some notes but I have written the first 8 chapters. I am choosing not to post all of them right away because their length is a bit overwhelming. If u like this story, email me (email below) and I will b happy to show u some of the other chapters.

GOOD NEWS! i have an artist to make this into a webcomic. with their abilities, the comic will be godly

recently rewrote 1st chapter and some things now conflict withe the notes. ignore anything in the notes that goes against the story.





Elnefi- people with animal traits or parts

Elnifi- Elnefi trained as warriors or mages

Lor’Elnifi- Elnifi with a patterned wristband

Nir’Elnefi- Elnefi that have betrayed another (see more under betrayal, under honor)

naginata-


Background

When an Elnefi turns seven they are taken to the local priest and the priest conducts the Life Lock Ceremony (pm me with a better name if u think of one). The priest asks the gods of the little one fate and the gods will either do nothing, which means the Elnefi will lead a normal life, or gift them with an armband. The armbands appear on the limb of the receiver and never come off. They are indestructible, but can be destroyed or removed once the wearer is dead. The armband will be on the right arm if the receiver will be a warrior class Elnifi and the left arm if the receiver will be a mage class Elnifi. There will also be a rune carved into the side of the band to show which combat school the receiver will attend. In the warriors case, they armband can summon the users weapon. With some exceptions males are chosen as warriors and females are chosen as mages.

Partners

At the age of 18 the Elnifi of the school gather and are assigned partners. They gather in a huge field and wait silently. The highest priests of the school then ask the gods to show the students their partners. The Elnifi are drawn through the crowd to their future partner. When the partners meet, they touch armbands and are bound together. The band changes to a single color that matches its partners. They can now sense the others basic emotions and body conditions. They can also talk mind to mind. Their life spans are also modified so they will now die on the same day and live the same number of years. If one dies in battle the other goes berserk and fights till they die. If they do not die they become slightly suicidal. They search out bigger and bigger threats until they are killed (their have been reports though, of Elnifi regaining their sanity and trying to live a normal life, but this is extremely rare). Usually the partners are of the opposite sex, b/c your partner is your perfect mate. No one is unhappy with their partner. Also, partners are usually of the opposite class, but their have been exceptions.

Armbands

While most armbands are single colored, there have been patterned armbands also. A patterned armband shows that the wearer is favored by the gods and destined to be a famous hero who will be remembered long after they are dead. These Elnifi are called Lor’Elnifi. Elnifi realize are never revealed at the bonding ceremony, but are revealed before hand. Lor’Elnifi always find their bond partner before the ceremony and bond with them when this is realized. Their partners always are other Lor’Elnifi. When they first meet the armbands do not react, but over time show their pattern once they have been in close proximity with the other. The patterned armbands increase the physical reserves of the warriors and the magic reserves of the mages. Lor’Elnifi do not participate in the bonding ceremony. Famous Lor'Elnifi’s armbands are considered very valuable and are passed down among descendents. Also are shown in museums and are sometimes housed in the wearer’s home school.
Nir’Elnefi are known to keep their kills’ armbands as trophies.





Layout


The students share rooms. Most males though must be separated around the age of 15 because they are too temperamental when forced into continuous proximity.

Within the warrior class there are 6 sub classes. These classes are sword, pole-arm/staff, chord, ranged, small hand enhancer (daggers and brass knuckle like weapons), and club fighting.



Within the mage class there are 5 sub campuses. They train the different magic classes. These classes include…

Elemental- controls fire, wind, water, and earth.

Summoning- creates golems, zombies, spirit creatures, etc.

Priestly- controls healing, cursing, luck control, lightning, and wards.

Manipulation- use of force to manipulate the surrounding area and objects

Enchantment- increase of stamina, strength, speed, etc, making weapons and armor lighter, laying of spells on objects, and giving other creatures special abilities like flight.

Base Animal

All Elnefi have a base animal. The base animal is determined randomly at birth and has nothing to do with the parents. Usually the only evidence of a base animal is animal like ears, claws, fangs, and/or tail, but sometimes they have inner organs that are like the base animal or other limbs, like wings.


Honor is very important to the Elnefi. Dishonorable Elnefi are shunned by other Elnefi and are considered trash.

Threat

Their world is inhabited by every type of fantasy monster imaginable. The creatures are usual live apart, but can be forced to work together. (like forgotten realms book)

Chapter 1

Shaitan walked into to the darkened training hall and looked around. None of the other students seemed to be present and the hall master looked to have gone to bed.

Shaitan sighed. “Same as every day, so I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Pressing the switch on the wall to ignite the enchanted torches, he strode across the room and up to the rows of practice dummies. There were many types of dummies but Shaitan quickly picked out three that interested him. They were of average height and came prepared with wooden practice blades. He briefly touched each one, giving the command word that would activate them and have them fight at their best. He turned and walked toward the nearest practice ring with the three dummies following close behind him. Once he was in the center of the ring he summoned his weapon from his armband on his right arm.

After it had materialized, he stared at it for a second. It was shaped like a quarter staff, measuring roughly six feet long. Unlike a quarter staff though, it had a narrow, three foot long blade on one side and a weighted cap on the other. Many weapons like his existed and they were all wielded by members of the pole arm class warrior Elnifi. His particular weapon type was known as a naginata.

He motioned for the dummies to step back and began his warm up. He started slowly, careful not to hurt himself, but gradually picked up speed. Soon he was a blur, his blade twirling above his head only to suddenly swing in one direction and then another. After a short period of time, he began to feel that he was ready to begin sparing with the dummies. He slowed his weapon and turned to the dummies.

“Come,” he commanded.

The three dummies’ bodies shook as the command washed over them. They dropped into battle stances and slowly spread out until they encircled him. As one, they charged toward him.

Shaitan did not wait to meet them, but instead charged the nearest one. The dummy raised its practice blade and attempted to knock aside his thrust. Shaitan, expecting this, moved with the blade and executed a tight spin thrusting his naginata backwards and smashing its butt into the practice dummies chest. The dummy flew off its feet and fell to the ground, its enchantments forcing it to act like a fighter who just got the wind knocked out of him. Shaitan stopped his spin and came to rest facing the other two dummies who where coming at him from different angles.

Again, he charged one of them, but this time he stopped short, avoiding a slash from the dummy and lunged back toward the other dummy. Twirling his weapon around him, he launched several attacks against the dummy, the first knocking its sword out wide and the second stabbing its chest. The dummy froze for a moment before, with a shudder, it fell to the ground.

Whipping back, Shaitan easily parried a chop from the second dummy and with a quick twirl, slashed it across the chest. As it dropped, he caught movement out of the corner of is eye and dropped to the floor. The first dummy’s sword whistled through the space he had just vacated and as he leapt up, the blade was snapped back into the guard position.

“I need a live opponent,” muttered Shaitan, “This is far too easy.”

He whirled his naginata in a short pattern of movements that was too fast for the enchantments controlling the dummy to follow before bringing the blade down hard, slashing across its chest. The dummy fell and Shaitan spoke the command word that signaled the matches end. Immediately, the dummies’ stood up and as Shaitan watched, their wounds healed. Turning, he led the dummies back to their places and began to pick out the next group.

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Shaitan was a member of the Elnefi race, a group of demi-humans that were born with animalistic traits, such as wings, tails, and fangs. They were a very proud race with many rules of honor. They respected chivalry and viewed betrayal and harming the innocent as the worst possible sins an Elnefi could commit. If one broke the codes they lived by, they were often hunted down and killed by the rest. Second chances for these sins were seldom and mercy for them was frowned upon.

Unfortunately the Elnefi as a race were weak and were often attacked by monsters of all types. To survive this, the Elnefi prayed to their gods for help and in return were granted the Elnifi. The Elnifi were a breed of Elnefi who were granted powerful magics and natural abilities in weapons and after forming partnerships with each other, were capable of destroying even the most powerful beasts.

At the age of seven, Shaitan, like all other Elnefi children, was taken to his local priest for his armband ceremony. His parents watched anxiously, his mother holding his five year old sister. They were joined by several family friends and relatives, as the priest asked the gods to determine if Shaitan could become an Elnifi. When the prayer was complete there was a flash of light and an armband appeared on Shaitan’s right arm. His parents rushed forward and they both hugged him tightly. Shaitan remembered being overwhelmed by congratulations from several of the onlookers.

Thankfully the head priest rescued him by saying that he needed to talk with Shaitan. Finally clear of the crowd, the priest began to explain to Shaitan the details of his armband. The most important thing was that he was a warrior Elnifi which was signified by the armband appearing on his right arm. Unfortunately, he would be unable to summon his weapon until an instructor could help him at the school. His school was determined by the rune that was located on the outside of his armband and a letter would be dispatched to the school to notify them of Shaitan’s impending attendance. Shaitan nodded and thanked the priest but as he turned to rejoin is family, the priest grabbed his shoulder.

The priest’s face looked uncertain for a moment but he began to speak, “My boy, when I conduct a ceremony, I usually am granted a small understanding of the subject’s inner potential. You have great potential that I've only seen a few times in my life. I don’t want you to put too much into this feeling of mine, but I think you may be able to earn a patterned wristband and become a Lor'Elnifi.”

Shaitan looked at the priest startled. Those who wore a patterned armband were often destined to become legends or achieve something amazing for their generation. There were only a few born every few years but those that wore a patterned armband were Lor’Elnifi and possessed slightly stronger power than the average Elnifi. They were the peak of things children wanted to become and Shaitan had often dreamed of a life as one.

The priest continued once Shaitan had gotten over his initial shock. “Once again I am not positive that this may happen and so I think you should keep it a secret from your family so as not to lift their hopes up.”

Shaitan nodded but a question demanded and answer. “Is there any thing I can do to increase the chance of it happening, sir?”

The priest smiled kindly at him, “I can't say for sure but I expect training would be the best possible choice.”

Shaitan nodded solemnly, thanked the man once again, and rejoined his family. He had never told anyone what the priest said and he began to train his body and eventually his weapon skills, even to go so far as to practice outside of lessons when everyone else was having fun, so to create the maximum chance for himself. He had plenty of time to do this because he had few friends and preferred his own company to most others. Like most males, Shaitan had a temper and could often lose control of it which led to many fights. Thankfully for him though, he seemed to be able to contain it when he interacted with females and he was quite proud that while he had never had a girlfriend, he didn’t think any of them disliked him. The males though almost all disliked them because he would only respect them if he felt like they deserved it. This led to many fights which Shaitan enjoyed because they allowed him to train. Now after several years of this lifestyle, Shaitan was one of the strongest fighters in his weapon’s division and the only friends he possessed were those who had been able to earn his respect.

------------------

Shaitan sighed as he put the last of the practice dummies away and went to get a change of clothes from the rest area. He always thought of his armband ceremony when he trained. It gave him energy and motivation but lately it had also seemed to bore him.

As he striped off his shirt and as he reached to get a new one he glanced a mirror that trainees used to examine their movements for flaws. He was a little over six feet tall with dark blond hair that wasn’t quite long enough to hide his wolf ears from view. His eyes were golden and as his lips curled back in a smirk at his reflection; his fangs peeked out from below his upper lip. Despite these things his face still appeared rather plain. His body was amazingly fit due to his training and when he turned to grab his shirt from where he had placed it, his tail peeked out from behind him.

He slipped the shirt and sighed, “I need to find some new stimulus for my training or I'll go mad.” He glanced around the room for any possible solution but was unable to find any. “Heh, figures,” he muttered. Turning, he left the training hall and began walking toward his room.

It was late, around midnight, and Shaitan was the only one out. The stars shown above him and the moon illuminated the night. Shaitan had often used this time to calm his mind and reflect on his day but like his training lately, this had begun to become boring and unfortunately for him, the training hall was across all the practice fields from his room so he had a long time to be bored. Sighing, he trudged toward the dorms.

Suddenly a bright flash lit up the night. It came from a field a little ways away that was hidden by a large mass of trees. Curious, Shaitan turned and walked toward it. As he got closer, he began to hear a dull “wump wump.” He exited the trees and stopped surprised.

In the middle of the field, a girl was surrounded by almost a hundred lumbering creatures that repeatedly surged toward her. While Shaitan watched, she flung her arms out and fireballs exploded among them. As soon as the flames disappeared, the creatures surged again toward her, shrinking the circle. In a few moments, unless Shaitan helped her, the girl would be overrun.

“Damn, how did monsters make it into the school,” he said as he summoned his naginata. He turned toward the mass of creatures and charged with a yell. The first creature turned toward him and as it did he got his first look at it, recognizing it from one of his books. The creatures were called Sinra and were about five feet tall and reptilian in nature. They all seemed to be unarmed except for their long clawed hands and their large, sharp teeth.

The creature screeched as Shaitan’s naginata slashed its body. It fell but as it hit the ground, it began to dissolve and was reduced to ash. Shaitan was startled but didn’t have much time to think. It’s death cry had alerted the others to his presence. Two leapt at him and with few twists of his wrist, he killed them. They were weak but unfortunately, there were many. Lucky for Shaitan, his weapon excelled at making space on the battlefield and soon, he had a small pocket of space around him.

He was forced to move quickly and avoid making killing blows now. His naginata whirled back and forth, first moving one way and then immediately snapping back the other way. The Sinra around him doped back screeching as they lost fingers, arms, and were given deep gashes. Shaitan didn’t remain un-harmed, every so often, a creature would be lucky enough to inflict a wound on his body. None were serious, but Shaitan was annoyed by them regardless. They were proof that he needed more training. Still he fought on, slashing, whirling, and killing.

A roar exploded behind him and Shaitan spun around in a defensive crouch. The creatures parted behind him and a monster appeared from amongst them. It was large, about Shaitan’s size with scaly skin and its head was squatter than the lizard men, its jaws, larger. The largest differences form the other creatures though were its arms. They hung at its sides and were massive. They dangled below its waist and one carried a large, wicked-looking broad sword. It roared again and the lizard men around Shaitan scattered.

Shaitan grinned humorlessly. The creature in front of him was a Sawrak, a larger cousin of the Sinra. They often acted as leaders to the Sinra. They often carried weapons that they had scavenged from battles and were formidable opponents in battle. “At least it will be better than dummies,” muttered Shaitan.

The monster roared a third time and ran at him. Shaitan dodged to the side and whipped his naginata across its side. The creature bellowed and charged him again. Shaitan dodged to the side again but this time the monster threw its arm out and tried smash Shaitan in the chest. He caught the blow with his weapon but it knocked him off his feet. He fell to the ground and the creature let out a screech.

The Sawrak brought its sword up and whipped it down over its head. Shaitan caught it on his naginata’s shaft and thought his arms would break. The creature brought its sword up to attempt a second chop but Shaitan rolled to the side and barely avoided it. He jumped up and turned toward the monster. This time he was a little too slow and received a large gash on his left side from the creature’s sword. Swearing passionately, he jumped away from the sword and waited for the creature’s next move.

This time it charged him while thrusting forward with its broadsword. Shaitan knocked the blade out wide and spun. His naginata whirling in his arms, he brought the bladed end in hard and slashed the creature across its back. It let out and anguished howl and swept its blade out blindly with one arm, trying to destroy the one who caused it pain. Not letting up, Shaitan dropped low, ducking under the blade and leaping forward. He brought his naginata in low and thrust upward with all his strength. The weapon pierced the creature’s side and smashed onward into its skull. The creature’s sword fell from its suddenly nerveless fingers and the beast toppled, pulling Shaitan down with it. Once it hit the ground it began to dissolve and Shaitan was able to lift his weapon free from the rapidly disappearing body.

He stood up and glanced quickly around. The surrounding Sinra seemed stunned due to the fact that he had managed to kill what he suspected was their leader. Taking advantage of their momentary disorganization, he turned and charged toward where the girl was still fighting. The first few lizard men in front of him died quickly, but the next few recovered from their shock and fought like before. It was too late, though. Shaitan cut down the remaining Sinra and emerged into an expanse of charred ground. And in the center stood the girl, staring at him in surprise.

She was of medium height, with brown hair that was long in the front and short in the back. She had golden eyes and she obviously had an animal base of a cat, due to her brown cat ears and tail. Her clothes indicated that she was a mage and even though they were partially charred and her hair was a mess, she was incredible beautiful.

She shot her hand out toward him. “Get down!”

Shaitan dropped to the ground and fireball burst on a lizard man that had been behind him. He looked to thank her but she was glaring at him.

“Pay attention, damn it! We can survive this as long as you do that!” she shouted. “If you can protect me for a few moments, I can kill the rest of these things. Can you do it?”

Shaitan nodded with a grimace and spun around to a slash Sinra that had gotten too close. The girl crouched low on the ground and placed her hands palms down. Shaitan stood above her and began to whip his naginata back and forth.

He spun one way and then the other as he tried to keep the creatures back. As if they sensed a coming threat from the mage, the lizard men pressed him hard, trying to get to the girl. His naginata was a blur, but he was hindered by his wound in his arm and the girl he was trying to protect. Several times, a set of claws or teeth would slip past his weakening guard and rake across his body.

Finally the girls spell reached its peak and exploded over the battlefield. The lizard men screeched as the ground broke beneath them and stony hands emerged to pull them down. In a few moments, the Shaitan and the mage were the only things alive in the field. Finally no longer forced to fight, Shaitan fell to the ground, his body collapsing from exhaustion and blood loss.

After a moment lying there, Shaitan let out a groan and a weak laugh. “That was intense!” His mood soured though as he did a quick mental check of his body. His left side hurt like hell and all of his other wounds felt inflamed. “Even with all my training, I still am weak,” he muttered angrily.

“Are you going to lay there or are you going to go with me to report this to the senior teachers?” a voice said from above him.

He glanced up and into the girl’s eyes, grinning wryly. “Sorry, I'm just a tad winded, let me catch my breath.”

The girl began to snap at him but caught a sight of his wounded side. “Oh gods… I didn’t realize you were hurt. She knelt beside him and began to tear strips of cloth from his ruined shirt to bandage his wounds. “Lie still, this will hurt,” she said. Shaitan gasped as the cloth tightened over his side. “There, that should do it until we get you to a priest,” the girl said.

“Thank you,” Shaitan responded once he had gotten over the pain. Suddenly, he realized that he still didn’t know anything about the girl. He glanced at the girl as he tried to lever himself up with his naginata. “I'm sorry, but I still don’t know your name.”

The girl looked startled for a moment but as she reached over to help him lever himself up, she answered. “My name is Terra. I'm seventeen, my animal base is a cat, and I use summoning and elemental magics. You?”

Shaitan grimaced from the pain as he stood. “Shaitan, seventeen, wolf based naginata user.” Since Elnifi renounced their surnames when they entered the school, it was deemed impolite to not share their base, age, and weapon or magic type to distinguish themselves from others with the same name. He tried to move forward and discovered he could take small steps if he used his naginata as a walking stick. The girl watched as he began hobbling toward the priest’s quarters before she said anything.

“Well Shaitan, thanks for the help, I couldn’t have survived that on my own,” she said.

Shaitan grinned at her despite the pain. Suddenly, though, his legs gave out and he fell into a crouch, only staying up from his grip on his weapon.

She rushed to him and leaned down. “What happened? Did I miss a wound?” He looked at her and managed a shrug. “Let me help you,” she said as lifted one of his arms over her shoulder.

Shaitan nodded his thanks, his body suddenly too weak for much more. Terra helped him up again and they began to walk slowly forward with him leaning on both her and his naginata. They made slow progress and the journey toward the priest quarters was immensely draining for him. After a while, Terra began to talk.

“I'm taking you to my uncle’s house, its closer and he is pretty adept at healing prayers. We should reach it in a few minutes.” They exited the field and came into site of the teachers’ rooms. “I meant to ask you though, what were you doing out there at this time of night?”

“Evening training,” Shaitan said weakly. His body was feeling heavier by the minute, far faster than he had expected, despite his wounds.

“Wow,” Terra said quietly, “It is impressive that you are so dedicated to your craft.” She looked ahead. “We’re here.”

Shaitan looked forward and saw a large temple covered with statues and surrounded by many small houses that he assumed belonged to the priests who maintained the temple. She led him to one of the nearest ones and up the steps to the door. Grabbing the knocker, she banged it hard until a muffled shout came from inside. The door flew open and a huge Elnefi stepped out.

He was seven feet tall and extremely muscular. He had a massive beard and all his hair was black. His base animal seemed to be that of a bear, but it was hard to tell in the moonlight. The man had been about to bellow angrily at them but saw Terra first.

“Good god, Cat! What happened to you? You are covered in blood!” he said.

“It’s not mine uncle. It's his,” Terra said. “I was attacked in the practice field and he intervened. He saved my life and I was hoping you could save his.”

“Of course, of course,” he said. “Bring him in.”

Terra helped Shaitan hobble through the doorway and into the room. As the priest hurriedly stepped aside for them, the house’s lights lit up and Shaitan saw that they were inside a well furbished room. The priest motioned for them to follow him and he led them down a hallway and into a plain room that contained a table and holy equipment used for healings and contacting the gods.

The priest turned to them and took Shaitan from Terra. He grabbed Shaitan, lifted him up, and laid him out across the table. Shaitan could feel his body failing fast and was starting to lose consciousness by this time. He tried to listen to what the priest was saying but was unable to comprehend what was being said. The last thing he saw before his vision went dark was the priest’s hands glowing and reaching for him.

Chapter 2


Shaitan woke slowly, trying to gain some sort of rational thought. He opened his eyes, only to close them again when the sunlight from the window hit him dead on. He sat up slowly and looked around.

He was sitting in the same room, but the priestly equipment had been removed and a blanket had been placed over him. The remains of his clothes had been removed and he lay naked beneath it.

He raised his arm to check his wound and stared surprised.

“I thought the wounds would take longer to heal, even with magic,” mused Shaitan, as he stared at the perfectly healthy arm. He lifted the covers and found the rest of his body in similar condition

“I see you’re awake,” said a voice behind him.

He turned to see the huge priest leaning against the door frame.

“How long was I out?”

“Only one night,” said the priest. “The gods must like you because you were fully healed in a night rather than several days.”

“Oh by the way, I’m Beryl. My base animal is a bear and I use priestly and enhancement magic. From what I gather, you are Shaitan, your base animal is a wolf, and you wield a naginata as a warrior. Am I right?”

Shaitan nodded, one eyebrow raised.

“My niece, Terra told me about what happened last night,” Beryl said, answering the unspoken question.

“Where is Terra, anyway?” asked Shaitan.

“She is already in class, but,” he added with a smile “she said she would find you later.” He chuckled, “I think you perked her interest.”

At Shaitan’s thoughtful look, Beryl laughed again. “Boyo, how often do you think guys save her life from monster attacks? You are also the first person she’s found that has trains as hard as she does.”

“What do you mean?” asked Shaitan.

“The reason she was out in that field was because she was doing her evening training.” Beryl’s face grew worried, “She does that every night and I think that’s how those creatures knew she would be there.”

“Is she okay?” Shaitan asked, realizing that he hadn’t checked to see if she’d been wounded.

“Oh don’t worry about her,” said Beryl “Except for a few minor bruises, she is perfect condition. Anyway, you should probably get ready for you morning classes. While I did let your instructors know that you would be late, I did say you would show up before lunch.”

“Um… do you have any clothes that would fit me? I can't go to morning practice like this,” Shaitan said motioning with his hands to indicate the blanket.

“I should have something,” said Beryl with a smile, “I’ll be right back.” He left the room, quickly returning with some plain clothing and Shaitan’s naginata.

After Shaitan had dressed, Beryl handed him his naginata. “You forgot to vanish that last night and so I cleaned it and set it aside.”

“Thank you,” said Shaitan as he returned the weapon to his armband.

They walked to the front door and stepped outside. “About last night,” said Beryl, suddenly serious “I’ve alerted the head masters about what happened last night and they said they will alert all the graduates, but have decided that for now, the students will be kept in the dark.”

“To explain your absence from this morning’s classes, I've told your teachers to say that you had a routine check up today. This was Terra’s idea. She thinks those creatures were summoned and that we have a newly awakened Nir’Elnefi amongst us. She said to be careful and not to bring attention to yourself by talking about last night.”

Shaitan growled. Nir’Elnefi were the most hated thing in their world. They were fallen Elnifi and the opposite of Lor’Elnifi. They came into being when an Elnifi committed a serious betrayal and tried to kill another. The Nir’Elnefi gained power from its evil gods and was incapable of having a partner. They were hunted down with an almost fanatical passion when identified, for if left alone, thousands could die.

He nodded worriedly, “I understand.” He started to turn away but stopped and bowed to Beryl. “Thank you very much for healing my injuries and for housing me for the night. I appreciate it very much.”

“Oh, it is the least I could do to thank you for saving Terra,” Beryl said with a smile.

As Shaitan began walking, he heard Beryl yell after him, “I will send my partner over to check on you later.”

Shaitan acknowledged the remark with a wave of his hand and began trotting toward the practice field.

As he ran down the road he noticed the unusual number of graduates hanging around the students. Many of them nodded to him as he passed.

He entered the field and was hailed by the teacher. He slowed down as he approached her.

She was of average height and willow thin. Her animal base was that of a dear and she moved with the grace of one, but her only animal characteristic was her small brown fawn tail that peaked out from behind her. Her weapon was a Bo staff and she was one of the few pole-arm fighters that Shaitan could never beat. Her eyes were brown and so was her hair, which was pulled into a long pony tail.

“Sorry I'm late lady Carrell. I had an appointment with a priest,” He said.

Her eyes twinkled, “Yes, he has already told me about it and what you did.” She became serious, “I'm glad all that training was useful, but you still have a lot to learn. Starting tomorrow, you and I will be sparing in the evening along with a few of the best students.” Seeing Shaitan’s surprised look she smiled humorlessly, “Your frustration with my unwillingness to spar with you has been quite obvious. In the meantime, though, I want you to train with Nyoko.”

Shaitan nodded and walked toward a young man going through his weapon forms. He was a little below six feet tall and his base animal was a bat. He had had black eyes and black hair that framed his face and was tied back in a small tail. What really stood out though were his huge leathery wings. They were big enough to give him the ability to fly but they were currently wrapped around his body like a cloak. His weapon was the trident and he was one of the only students that could go one on one with Shaitan and have a decent chance of winning. He was also one of the few males that Shaitan respected and considered a friend.

Nyoko stopped his drills and turned to face Shaitan. “How was your checkup, Shaitan?”

“It was… a little different than usual,” replied Shaitan carefully.

Nyoko waited for more but when Shaitan said nothing else, shrugged “Kay, then we should probably start training, summon your naginata and grab one of the blade pads so we can begin.

As Shaitan covered his blade, Nyoko caped the three spikes on his trident, and the one on the base of the pole. “Shall we begin?” Shaitan asked.

“On the count of three,” said Nyoko. “One, two,” they both tensed, “Three!”

Nyoko charged Shaitan and thrust low with his trident. Shaitan spun his naginata and knocked both their weapons wide. Keeping his weapon spinning, he tried to knock Nyoko’s legs out from under him, but the other Elnifi jumped high and the blade passed under him. Nyoko thrust down at him with his trident and Shaitan was forced jump back.

They continued for several minutes trading slashes, stabs, and parries, until they clashed together, with each of their weapon’s centers braced against the others. They grinned at each over their weapons, both of them full of adrenaline, and both enjoying their knife edged dance of battle.

Suddenly Shaitan dropped to the ground and brought his weapons base under Nyoko’s guard, catching him in the chest, knocking him on his back.

Nyoko groaned and then began to laugh. Shaitan smiled as he tried to regain his breath.

“Gods and goddesses, but I love those matches!” said Nyoko as he struggled into a sitting position.

“I know what you mean,” said Shaitan. “No drills can compare to combat.”

“Yah,” agreed Nyoko. “Hey, it looks like it's about noon; do you want to go get something to eat?”

Shaitan’s stomach growled. “I’d better, I didn’t have any breakfast.”

“Well that was foolish,” said Nyoko as they removed the covers from their weapons and vanished them into their armbands. “So how was your evening practice?”

“It was boring,” replied Shaitan as they began walking toward the cafeteria. “I fought with three of the practice dummies but none of them could touch me.”

“Yah, those dummies are way too easy.” said Nyoko. “Next time the mages come to renew the spells, we should ask them to make two or three of the dummies graduate level fighters so we can have a little challenge.”

They came into sight of one of the numerous mess halls that was like all the others in the school. It was a long, flat building that could seat about a hundred people with plenty of room at once. The only difference between this building and the other mess halls was that this one was most frequented by the graduates and top students.

As they entered the line, a girl’s voice yelled Shaitan’s name. They turned and watched as Terra walked toward them.

“Hey Shaitan,” said Terra in a much quieter voice. “Can you meet me over by the practice field after lunch hour?” At Shaitan’s surprised nod, she grinned. “Good, we can talk there. See you then.” She turned and walked toward the exit. Shaitan watched her leave and was surprised to see her glance back at him. Their eyes met and she quickly looked away. Shaitan smiled to himself as he turned to look at Nyoko whose mouth was hanging open.

“Since when have you known Terra,” asked the stunned flyer.

“I met her last night, after my evening training,” replied Shaitan.

“You didn’t say you met Terra!” Nyoko said loudly.

“Was I supposed to?” Shaitan asked, bemused.

Nyoko shook his head with stunned amazement and began helping himself to some food. After Shaitan had gotten his, they walked with their food to an empty table in the back. As he sat down, Shaitan felt his hackles rise. Turning he saw that nearly every single unbound male in the mess hall was glaring at him. All the graduates on the other hand were hiding grins behind their hands.

Shaitan turned back to Nyoko. “Ok, what have I done now?”

Nyoko looked at him for a moment before chuckling, “You really don’t know do you?” When Shaitan shook his head, Nyoko snickered. “You just were approached by arguably the most sought after girl on campus.”

Seeing Shaitan’s surprised expression, Nyoko pushed his food away. “Shaitan, Terra is beautiful, smart, and kind. She is also one of the most powerful mages that have not graduated. She is a lot like you and me in that respect, but unlike us, she has guys flinging themselves en mass at her feet.”

“Now, for the love of all that’s holy, will you explain how you met her?” Nyoko said as he leaned forward eagerly.

Shaitan struggled for words for a second and then began lying through his teeth. “I met her after my evening training. I was walking back to my room and she was just leaving the mage practice field. We ended up walking on that small path behind the dorms that the students use a short cut to class. Anyway, we both entered the path at the same time, and literally ran into each other. After I had apologized and introduced myself, we began talking. We talked about our lessons, our instructors, and a few other things. We parted ways at the dorms and… that’s about it.”

Nyoko seemed disappointed, but quickly brightened. “You know,” he said in a voice that worried Shaitan, “You could use this opportunity, to try and woo her. You have been single for seventeen years and this might be the last time that you could get a girl before your partner so you shouldn’t let her go.”

Shaitan grinned, “I was thinking the exact same thing. And who knows, she could become my partner.”

Nyoko snickered, “There is no way in hell you will ever be that lucky.”

“Your probably right on that one,” laughed Shaitan. “Anyway, do you mind if I go and see her now?”

“I don’t mind as long s I get a full report when you come back,” replied Nyoko.

“It's a deal,” agreed Shaitan as he cleared his plate.

He was walking out the doors when Nyoko yelled after him. “Don’t forget, we have practice in two hours. Lady Carrell said something about a scrimmage and skinning late comers alive.”

Shaitan looked over his shoulder and nodded, looking forward to another battle. Every so often, the warrior students either had a small battle between weapons classes or between selected groups of students. Shaitan enjoyed these battles very much and now was looking forward to this afternoon’s practice.

As he left he saw a group of males detach themselves from their table and follow. He quickened his pace, and they sped up to follow. Finally giving in the inevitable, he stopped and allowed the students to surround him.

“Great,” muttered Shaitan angrily, “I’ll probably be late now.”

A male separated himself from the group and stood, glaring coldly at Shaitan.

He was tall, well muscled, and had long blond hair. He had small dog ears but it was impossible to tell what breed of dog his base was. And while his face was composed, his mouth seemed to be sneering. His eyes, though, were flat, emotionless. Strangely, despite these things, he was almost beautiful and Shaitan guessed that many females had been fooled by his looks.

“Terra is mine,” the male said coldly. “You will stay away from her.”

“And you are?” Shaitan said, not liking the males tone.

The male smiled cruelly. “I am Didre, my base is jackal, and I am master of the saber. Now will you obey me or must my friends and I teach you the error of your ways?”

Shaitan chuckled, “What makes you think I can't beat you all?”

The surrounding males snickered and Didre sneered. “I am the best blades man on campus. Even the teachers fear to fight me.”

“I find that hard to believe… what with your obvious cowardice and all,” he replied, glancing meaningfully at Didre’s entourage.

Didre’s face darkened at the insult and he summoned his saber. “Trash, you dare to talk to me like that? Prepare yourself!”

He was about to charge Shaitan, when a shout rang out behind them. They turned to see an angry mage and warrior walking toward them. Both were winged, with the mage’s being red and the warrior’s, white with a slight bluish tinge.

The mage and warrior entered the circle and stood glaring at Didre. “Didre, why have you summoned you weapon against another student?”

Didre gestured toward Shaitan with his saber. “This male is courting a female that I have laid claim to.”

The mage raised one eyebrow. “And has she acknowledged your claim?”

“No, but she will. I'll make her.”

“Don’t you dare touch Terra, you bastard!” said Shaitan angrily.

“Just try and stop me,” sneered Didre.

“Enough!” shouted the mage. “Didre, if I hear you are harassing this Terra I will allow this male to tear you apart, which I believe he is quite capable of doing. Shaitan, don’t antagonize Didre. Now unless you have something more to say Didre, I suggest you and your toadies leave.”

“Fine,” snarled Didre angrily. Sketching an angry bow to the mage and warrior, he turned on his heel and strode away. As he passed, he said under his breath so only Shaitan could hear, “Terra will be mine!”

After the males had left, the mage turned to Shaitan. “Don’t annoy that one, Shaitan. While you could probably beat him like you beat those Sinra, he’d be a pain in the ass to make an enemy of.”

“As long as he doesn’t harm Terra I will leave him alone,” replied Shaitan calmly.

“Just be careful,” the mage sighed as she and her partner left.

Shaitan glanced at the sun and swore. He was going to be late and now would have less time to talk with Terra before he would have to leave for lessons. He turned and began to jog toward the practice field.

He arrived out of breath at the edge of the field where Terra met him. “Sorry I'm late,” apologized Shaitan, “Another male kept me.”

“Who?” asked Terra curiously.

“Didre,” replied Shaitan, watching for a reaction.

Terra growled, “I hate that male! He just won’t leave me alone no matter how much I rebuff him. It doesn’t help that I’ve heard some nasty things about him. I will not let him touch me, I'd kill him first!”

“I see,” Shaitan replied with both surprise and pleasure. He was happy she wasn’t attracted to the handsome male, but a little surprised at her vehemence. He hoped to get the chance to beat Didre soon, since it seemed that Terra wouldn’t mind if he humiliated the rude Elnifi.

Terra glanced at him for a moment, to see if he was mocking her, and seeing that he was not, calmed down. “Anyway, I wanted to see if you were alright and see if you had seen anything suspicious”

Shaitan grinned, “Actually, your uncle said I was completely healed and he thought it was because the gods were feeling kind.”

“That’s great,” said Terra happily, “but what about my other question?”

Shaitan lost his grin, “I haven’t seen anything yet, but I will let you know if I do.” He began walking, and motioned for Terra to walk with him. “What are the teacher’s plans, though once we know who it is?”

“I think they are just planning to find, gang up, and kill it. The idea seems fine, but it will take quite awhile unless we are very lucky,” replied Terra. “I'm worried about the black blood requirements though,” she finished worriedly.

“And those are?” asked Shaitan, not caring for the sound of it.

“After an Elnefi becomes a Nir'Elnefi, they must kill a sentient being once every two weeks to appease the dark gods. To signify their pact with the dark gods, their blood turns black after the murder. Normally they have no problem with this because their kills carry over. For example, they can go a month if they kill two people. The thing is, there have been no deaths before the attack on me, and therefore, the Nir’Elnefi will need to kill in the next two weeks,” she said.

“It sounds as if the teachers are using that fact in hope to lure it out,” replied Shaitan, knowing that if this was known to the students, there would be a little protest, and the little protest would only be over whether anyone had a better plan. The students would go along with it since any Elnifi would willingly trade his or her life if it led to a Nir’Elnefi’s death.

“Yes, it does,” agreed Terra calmly. Now that business was taken care of, they walked in an awkward silence.

“Your friend seemed surprised to see me talking to you,” ventured Terra hesitantly.

“Oh, Nyoko was just surprised to find out that I knew you. I told him that we met each other last night after our individual practices and hit it off. I am afraid he didn’t believe me though, and I expect that he will continue to nag me until he is content. Nyoko hates not knowing things and secrets most of all. Unless they’re his,” he added.

“I have a friend who is just like that,” replied Terra. “She just can't let secrets lie and loves gossip and jokes.”

“Maybe we should hook them up,” said Shaitan with a grin.

“Maybe,” laughed Terra. They continued walking and entered the trees at the edge of the practice field.

“Hey Shaitan,” said Terra a little embarrassed, “I was thinking of holding a gathering with some of my friends tonight. We reserved one of the private party buildings. Anyway, I was wondering if you and Nyoko would like to join us.”

“I'd love to,” replied Shaitan, a little annoyed that Nyoko would be coming.

“Great,” said Terra relieved.

They entered a clearing and Shaitan glanced at the suns position in the sky. “It looks like it's time to go,” he said reluctantly.

“Yes,” said Terra, and Shaitan hoped that was a note of disappointment in her voice. She turned to him, “Listen Shaitan, I want you to be careful and try to avoid being by yourself at anytime. If the Nir'Elnefi has realized you helped me, you might be targeted.”

“I'll be careful,” said Shaitan, “but only if you will. You were attacked once, and probably will be again.”

“I know,” she replied. She started to walk away but after a few steps turned and looked back at Shaitan. “The party will be held after the last lessons of the day so everyone can go and will be in the building closest to the cafeteria we ate in this afternoon. I'll look forward to tonight.”

Shaitan watched Terra leave. Inside, he was ecstatic. A night with Terra, he couldn’t wait. He turned and walked toward the practice field. On his way, he noticed again the abundance of graduates and now that he knew of the black blood requirements, he breathed a sigh of relief.

I read the overview, and the explanations for the terms; everything is pretty well done I suppose. Things that bothered me, "as a reader". The Lore-Like names [ex. Nor'Elnifi], are fine and all but, it gets confusing. To a first time reader remembering all of that would be a really tedious task. This would drop the interest of the reader altogether [unless they really are into that kind of thing, which you shouldn't bet on]. I'm not saying change it or anything, but I am suggesting that to avoid that problem, incorporate it subtly in the work itself.

Maybe when you get to a scene where your main character sees a "Nor" you let him explain it in layman's terms [within character of course]. Expand on that there, but don't go over board! And remember to, whoever is explaining the situation, stay in character! <-- Must! If you fail to do that, it would look forced, and choppy, and gross.

Other than that, [haven't read the chapters] I suggest going over the grammar here and there. I know no one can be perfect in their grammar [just like me right now because its in the middle of the night and I'm super sleepy], but try to fix some parts here and there. Run-on sentences, placement of commas [which I fail at], typos, should be fixed before showing the final product. I suggest finding someone who's interested in the story be your editor, for they'll find flaws in it that you may not have seen in the first place.

Last comment, on the overview, a 17 year old "wolf". <-- KEY WORD. Change the word Wolf to Elnifi.
That in itself had me confused for a good 2 or 3 paragraphs.

As all my posts have it: This is just conjecture, anything I have written,
and or suggested can be disregarded or be taken heed. It's up to you.
Questions or Comments, feel free to PM. I'd be glad to help if I can.